Candy Corn
I'm sitting here eating some candy corn and talking to my friend Jon through MSN. We're playing little mind games on albinoblacksheep.com and the games are quite entertaining. It's amazing all the time I spend playing little, random, games online that I thoroughly enjoy and sometimes wonder how they can keep me entertained for so long, lol.
So yesterday I told that guy, Rick, that ask for my number at work, that I had a boyfriend. I made up having a long term boyfriend because I didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that I wasn't interested in seeing him. I wonder if I should've just told him that I wasn't interested in anything more than a friendship? I'm just too nice because I didn't want to hurt him that way and I figured the boyfriend lie would be a lot better than hurting his feelings/price.
I'm still in the "I want a boyfriend' mode and it's really starting to wear at me. I really want to have that companionship and warmth of a boyfriend again, I miss that so much. Just having someone be there when I feel like cuddling up and watching tv or just sitting around talking with them for hours and hours on end.....*sigh*....I miss that more than anything. I still have feelings for a certain Utah boy but the distance really messed things up....well, at least I think it was the distance.....that and his feelings that he still has for his ex. I can't blame him for the feelings for her though cause I totally understand it, I still think about Nick sometimes and wonder how different my life could have and probably would have been had we stayed together. He was my first love and that is someone that is so hard to get over. I still have trouble letting down my guard and letting someone in because everytime I do, I get hurt, and I put those walls back up. When I met Nick(not Peer but Hamilton) we had an awesome connection and it scared me, and him, so I think that that is why things didn't work out there. I just hate it cause just when I start to get comfortable and really like the person, they stop calling or whatever and it totally fucks with my head. I think I get attached too quickly, I dunno, I guess that's it. I just hope that I can get a boyfriend someday again, I've been alone for way too long and the longer I go alone, the more I cry and feel unwanted/unattactive/unloved/ugly, etc...
Well, that's it for now. What a weird and long winded entry.
So yesterday I told that guy, Rick, that ask for my number at work, that I had a boyfriend. I made up having a long term boyfriend because I didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that I wasn't interested in seeing him. I wonder if I should've just told him that I wasn't interested in anything more than a friendship? I'm just too nice because I didn't want to hurt him that way and I figured the boyfriend lie would be a lot better than hurting his feelings/price.
I'm still in the "I want a boyfriend' mode and it's really starting to wear at me. I really want to have that companionship and warmth of a boyfriend again, I miss that so much. Just having someone be there when I feel like cuddling up and watching tv or just sitting around talking with them for hours and hours on end.....*sigh*....I miss that more than anything. I still have feelings for a certain Utah boy but the distance really messed things up....well, at least I think it was the distance.....that and his feelings that he still has for his ex. I can't blame him for the feelings for her though cause I totally understand it, I still think about Nick sometimes and wonder how different my life could have and probably would have been had we stayed together. He was my first love and that is someone that is so hard to get over. I still have trouble letting down my guard and letting someone in because everytime I do, I get hurt, and I put those walls back up. When I met Nick(not Peer but Hamilton) we had an awesome connection and it scared me, and him, so I think that that is why things didn't work out there. I just hate it cause just when I start to get comfortable and really like the person, they stop calling or whatever and it totally fucks with my head. I think I get attached too quickly, I dunno, I guess that's it. I just hope that I can get a boyfriend someday again, I've been alone for way too long and the longer I go alone, the more I cry and feel unwanted/unattactive/unloved/ugly, etc...
Well, that's it for now. What a weird and long winded entry.
posted by Erin @ 3:19 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home