Caring so much...
I don't really know where to begin this entry so I guess I'll just start... Sometimes I wonder why God puts people in certain situations. Like why does he let us fall for people that we can't be with, in person? What I mean by that is this.....I met this wonderful guy back in August 2003 and I remember kissing him and holding him for hours, the night before I had to drive seven hours home, and lying there thinking that this was so awesome and that I wanted to be with him. Then, as I lay there, I remember thinking that the distance was going to be an issue...sure enough, it's gotten in the way big time. I'm not saying that he still likes me, or even still has feelings for me as more than a friend anymore, but the distance sure hasn't helped our situation.
I got a call last night at 2:30am...so I guess it was technically morning.....anyway, it was from him. He was calling me from Wendover, where he was playing blackjack and Roulette and drinking and having a grand old time. We talked for 16 minutes and 7 seconds(I know this cause it was on the call timer on my phone) and it was great to hear his voice. He was quite drunk at the time but it was awesome to hear his voice and know that he had thought about me, at least long enough, to walk out the casino and give me a call. Me of all people.....I know he was probably just "drunk calling" but it still felt really good. He was talking about how he wished I lived in Utah or, what he called 'The Potato, Idaho so that I could go with them or meet them down at the casino. I wanted so badly to be there, spending time with him and his friends....to be a part of his "real" life. Not that I'm not part of his real life but I want to be part of his everyday life, ya know? Like today, he gets online and says that he keeps puking and can't keep any food down cause he drank so much last night. All I want is to be there to take care of him....I wanted to get in my car and just drive....drive to Utah and be there with him. I was really worried cause he had this IM with Dave(his cousin) and Dave said that he was in such bad shape last night that he was drool puke and practically had a seizure and all this stuff. What really made me scared/upset is that he was so drunk and yet no one stayed with him for the rest of the night. There have been 3 cases within 4 weeks(at local universities) of alcohol related deaths and it makes me worry for Steve cause he hasn't been drinking for that long and doesn't know his limit at this point. I hope that he doesn't think I'm trying to be his mom or anything but I'm just scared to death to lose him. I think that he at least had alcohol poisoning cause that's what it sounded like. Enough ranting about the alcohol, lol.
But seriously, why does God let us fall in love with people that we can't be closer to? I wanted so badly to be with Steve today(well, everyday for that matter) and I am a 7 -7 1/2 hour drive away from him. I know that there are people that have so much more distance between them but it's hard cause we're one state away yet it seems so much farther. I haven't seen him, in person, since our Vegas trip back in March but I still care about and want to be with him as much now as I did then. *sigh* Apparently this entry has been mostly about him(go figure) so on that note, I'm gunna stop ranting.
I got a call last night at 2:30am...so I guess it was technically morning.....anyway, it was from him. He was calling me from Wendover, where he was playing blackjack and Roulette and drinking and having a grand old time. We talked for 16 minutes and 7 seconds(I know this cause it was on the call timer on my phone) and it was great to hear his voice. He was quite drunk at the time but it was awesome to hear his voice and know that he had thought about me, at least long enough, to walk out the casino and give me a call. Me of all people.....I know he was probably just "drunk calling" but it still felt really good. He was talking about how he wished I lived in Utah or, what he called 'The Potato, Idaho so that I could go with them or meet them down at the casino. I wanted so badly to be there, spending time with him and his friends....to be a part of his "real" life. Not that I'm not part of his real life but I want to be part of his everyday life, ya know? Like today, he gets online and says that he keeps puking and can't keep any food down cause he drank so much last night. All I want is to be there to take care of him....I wanted to get in my car and just drive....drive to Utah and be there with him. I was really worried cause he had this IM with Dave(his cousin) and Dave said that he was in such bad shape last night that he was drool puke and practically had a seizure and all this stuff. What really made me scared/upset is that he was so drunk and yet no one stayed with him for the rest of the night. There have been 3 cases within 4 weeks(at local universities) of alcohol related deaths and it makes me worry for Steve cause he hasn't been drinking for that long and doesn't know his limit at this point. I hope that he doesn't think I'm trying to be his mom or anything but I'm just scared to death to lose him. I think that he at least had alcohol poisoning cause that's what it sounded like. Enough ranting about the alcohol, lol.
But seriously, why does God let us fall in love with people that we can't be closer to? I wanted so badly to be with Steve today(well, everyday for that matter) and I am a 7 -7 1/2 hour drive away from him. I know that there are people that have so much more distance between them but it's hard cause we're one state away yet it seems so much farther. I haven't seen him, in person, since our Vegas trip back in March but I still care about and want to be with him as much now as I did then. *sigh* Apparently this entry has been mostly about him(go figure) so on that note, I'm gunna stop ranting.
posted by Erin @ 2:49 AM
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